Lost Opportunity or a Wake-Up Call?

wayne-dyer-divorcevv-5da35There are many people who have inspired my path of personal growth, but none as profoundly as Dr. Wayne Dyer. When I first discovered my passion and purpose in life it was connected to words of wisdom and inspiration spoken by Dr. Dyer. For over ten years I have listened to audio recordings, watched videos of his seminars, read his books and even was honored to receive a gift to attend one of his seminars here in Ft. Lauderdale. I’ve had a plan in the back of my mind to see him again and walk up, shake his hand, thank him for his profound authenticity and vulnerable sharing of himself to the world and give him a copy of my book, PROUD.

Several years after I began following his work, I found out I went to school with a few of his daughters, while I was not close to them I remember their names, Skye and Serena. My uncle told me he and his family used to attend the church we grew up attending.

In many of his books and speaking engagements he shared about his experience as a child growing up in the foster care system and how he never let it hold him back. His stories of struggle and overcoming were part of what inspired me to become a foster parent.

When I found out that he passed away today from my friend who gifted me the tickets to see him several years ago, my initial reaction was one of devastation and sorrow, tears instantly welled up in my eyes. This person, whom I never even had the opportunity to physically talk to had somehow managed to touch my soul and inspire me to be a better person. So much so that I wanted to model my life after his, I wanted to be able to touch, move and inspire people with my words and the vulnerable sharing of my life. At that moment I felt like I had lost my opportunity to say thank you, I waited too long because I needed to have just the right time to finish my book, gather up the courage to put myself out there and I allowed my fear to win.

As tears stung my eyes and I gazed upon the Florida sky, the reality of the impermanence of this physical life sat heavy in my heart. Time does not stand still for anyone, regardless of their impact on the world. Dr. Dyer at 75 lived a tremendous life, inspired millions, enjoyed the pleasure of self-made abundance and spoke constantly of the love for his family. I know he died with peace in his heart.

I have a passion and purpose to inspire others aching to get out yet there are also mountains of excuses that seem to always get in my way. Today, in my grief I remembered why Dr. Wayne Dyer inspired me so much, he never let his excuses get in his way, he could have let his circumstances hold him back yet he did not. He pushed through his resistance and with a truth and braveness few have he then wrote about it as a way to share his growth with others.

Dr. Dyer, thank you for everything you were strong enough to share, allowing us to learn through and with you. Today I lit a candle for you and while I was not able to say thank you in person I am sure your spirit knows, you have inspired my life in so many ways. Namaste.

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#LoveWins An amazing day today! :)

marriage-equality-red-3Today the Supreme Court rules in favor of #love. All 50 states have marriage equality now! Big Win for America!

I was pleased to see as well that the next big movement will be employment equality! 🙂

Read More Below:

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/national-international/Supreme-Court-Gay-Marriage-Obergefell-Hodges–310069401.html?_osource=SocialFlowFB_MIBrand

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The Day I Stopped Dancing

I hesitated on writing this blog post because part of me is embarrassed and part of me doesn’t want to give the influencing people the satisfaction to know they hurt me. However, I am writing anyway because I am not the only person who has changed themselves because of another and looking back I wish I hadn’t

On the day I stopped dancing we were out at a club, having fun, dancing in a big group and laughing. After a little time I went outside to cool down and talk to some friends, then it happened, the snicker and laugh from the person I was dating at the time “haha, you dance like a white girl.” Like this was the worst thing you could do, indicating they felt I had horrible and atrocious dancing skills. This wasn’t the first time I had heard this before, some other people I called friends had told me that before too. Mind you, the friends that told me this were not dancing themselves, they sat on the sidelines watching others have fun. That day I let my spirit and freedom die a little bit, I turned down my self-expression, I changed myself and I stopped dancing.

Today my partner and I were playing around, dancing and he remarked “you dance so downloadmuch more now than we first got together.” I realized I was allowing myself to be free again, slowly unpacking my stifled self-expression and I was feeling safer. In reflection I regret the countless times I could have danced and opted to stand, the times I tapped my toes instead of sway my hips, the times i felt the music inside but kept my physical body in chains. Dancing is freedom, it is beautiful, it is fluid, it is exactly as its supposed to be. If I could do it over again, instead of changing myself I’d encourage her to come dance too, maybe she felt the need to drag me down because she was afraid of her own self-expression.

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To Unlearn the Past

pictures-of-love-hdFear is such an uncomfortable feeling we often mask it. From the outside we may seem angry, or perhaps even indifferent, appearing to others like we don’t even care. When truthfully, just underneath the surface we’re torn apart, afraid of our own weakness. Some time ago, as children we were taught to “never let them see your fear” and the wall building began. The ones we love most we push away, afraid to let them see that we’re hiding our weakness and fear. The very thing that can set us free, our own truth and vulnerability, when misunderstood, keeps us caged. The words aching on the tip of our tongues, burns our  mouth and seals our lips, hardening our hearts. We push others away, rejecting them before they reject us. Attempting to be in control of our own perceived inevitable pain. Believing that if we burn ourselves it will hurt less than allowing another to burn us. Fear of our own inadequacy imprisons us, we tell ourselves that we’re “not good enough” or that “we don’t deserve” blessings. Sometimes we even destroy the best things in our lives because we believe  we’re not worthy or that we deserve punishment.

There is however, always one thing that can break through all these pains, fears and insecurities…love and honesty. Tell the ones you love most the truth “I love you, and I’m pushing you away because I’m afraid .” Let them know you’re afraid to be vulnerable because inside you fear you’re not good enough or that they might leave you. But remind them that you’re a work of art and you’re changing and growing every day. Invite them to grow with you, ask if they’d like to commit to a partnership of honesty, openness and trusting vulnerability. Is it scary? Of course! But the rewards far outweigh the pain. Knowing without a doubt that someone is willing to work through difficult times with you can help prevent the preemptive sabotage and self-destruction. If we all have multiple people in our lives we commit to supporting and being supported by the security and joy we’ll experience cannot be measured. This leaves us free to focus on our own growth and manifesting the life we want and deserve, but first we must believe we deserve it!

Do you believe?

Reach out to the ones you love today. Remind them how much you love them, openly share your fears. Trust you will be safe.

Namaste

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LGBT Teens Homeless in South Florida

LGBT-Homeless-Family-RejectionAs many of you know, finding solutions to the issue of homeless LGBT youth is a gnawing passion of mine. I am happy to say that slowly but surely these crucial issues are finding themselves to the media forefront. I was pleased to be one of the individuals interviewed for this article.

“School is just not even an issue if you’re trying to survive,” Mandi Hawke said. “You shouldn’t be concerned about who you are and being accepted and fitting in and bullying and being afraid.”

To read the article click below:

http://southfloridagaynews.com/articles/lgbt-teen-homelessness-in-south-florida-part-1/128345

 

 

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Am I really an Author?

I am still afraid to call myself an author…why?

Since self-publishing my book last October I have slowly allowed my excitement and passion to fizzle. Because PROUD did not immediately and without massive effort take off, I silently called myself a failure. Because people questioned my target audience saying “you can’t be a best selling author ONLY targeting queer youth,” I believed them and stopped really trying. Why?

Watch this video – it struck a cord with me and had me in tears.  I’d love your thoughts, ideas and any solutions you’ve found that work. I know this my next area of personal growth.

Namaste

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Robot Wars and Grandma

photo-1On my way to Georgia for my baby brothers High School graduation, when the seat on the plane next to me remained open, I thought I hit the jackpot. Just as they were closing the doors however, the flight attendant walked a small boy over to the seat next to me. With a warm smile the flight attendant reminded him to stay seated after the flight and he would escort him to meet his family.

With big wise brown eyes he tells me that his name is Cayden, spelled with a C, not a K and he is 7 years old and in the 2nd grade. He is the youngest in his class and even though he skipped a grade he still finds everything they’re teaching him very boring, he tells me they keep going over the same stuff, over and over (way to go Florida education system).

As he pulls out his sketch pad, and I pull out mine, he tells me that he is excited that I like to draw too. He shows me how to draw a compass rose and I show him how to draw a nautical star. He tells me his little sister is turning 1 and her name is Lily. We talk about spirit animals, mine is a dragon (and he can draw a mean 3 headed dragon) and his is a shark (he hopes to get one for his fish-tank one day). He tells me about this awesome bracelet kit that Learning Express has, and asks about my rainbow bead bracelet.

After we get our mini bag of pretzels and ginger-ale he tells me about his animals, he has 3 pit bulls, 2 chiwawas, a turtle and 3 cats. I ask him if these are all at the same house and he explains that some are at his moms house, some at his dads and 1 of the dogs is at his grandmas house.

And then very matter of fact he tells me that his grandma married a woman.

“Really?” I say, “how cool.”

He asked me why I thought it was cool. Then I shared with him about me and my partner and our daughter (I told him thats who made my bracelet). He asked to see a picture. Then he tells me that he used to think if a girl said she had a girlfriend that it was weird. I asked him why he thought that. He told me cause he thought that the girls were calling their boyfriends girls. So I asked him if he thought it was still weird and he say no.

Then we drew robots, serious business robots and we were preparing to battle. We started with one, then we drew 2 helper robots so we each had a team. He named his Team Robotics and I named mine Team Laserskates.

Then we wrote our battle story together.

“Team Robotics and Team Laserskates
fight and fight and fight,
but both are too awesome so they become
friends and team up together and
fight the bad guys. 
-The End-
 
See Our Drawing Below:
photo-2

As the flight landed I gave Cayden a high five and told him to be good. He said his grandma was picking him up. He reminded me to look up Learning Express when I got back to Ft. Lauderdale.

Probably the best flight I’ve ever had.

 

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